'PHP has caused an Access Violation at <some hex>.'
...
F5
'500 Internal Server Error'
...
F5
'PHP has caused an Access Violation at <some hex>.'
etc.
Hmm.
NET STOP IISADMIN
NET START W3SVC
PHP works again!
...for three page loads.
DEATH TO IIS
IIS Disable
WWWPS Disable
Apache2 Install
Config Apache
PHP works again!
Several page loads later...
PHP still works!
And quicker!